I offically hate high school

I hate hate hate high school. I can't wait until I leave this place. I feel like I have to watch my back everywhere I go. You can never plan on anything happening for sure, cause it won't happen. Everyone only has themselves on their mind. It surprises me some of the stupid things that people will do. Then they wonder why they are having so many problems in life. A lot of the people are all talk and never do what they say, they just want people to think of them in a certain way, when that's not who they really are. High school turns them into something they aren't for 8 hours a day.

So today I went to my spot at the creek again and it was bittersweet. I love just sitting there and listening to the water and the birds. It helps me to concentrate and think, I was gonna do homework this time, but I was to distracted. I thought I had royally messed up. But I deserved it, he deserves better than me. The sad part was that I didn't even have any tears left after this week of semi hell. I couldn't even get one to fall, so instead I just curled up under my blanket and sat there, eventually I took a very quick nap. But as always, I had to get up and face reality. I had to go back to the perfect brother, the disappointed mom, the negative images I have of myself, and I had to think about getting my grades up. If I could I would have stayed there all night. I just wanted to float away down the creek.

For a split second I was mad at him, but then I thought about it and he was in the right. I wanted to just yell at him "you promised you would never leave!!" That's exactly what it felt like he was doing. At that point I was kinda numb, I didn't know what to do next. All of this because I'm a stupid, weak, little girl. The one time I see MB, unexpectedly, that we aren't fighting he sees us. I was so excited that I was going to be able to see him then when he walked up to me he barely said anything to me. From then on my day went down hill. At first he wouldn't even talk to me, then when he finally did my heart sank. I didn't even have anything to say because he had a point and there was nothing I could say that would prove him wrong. Even if I did it's not like he would believe me. Now he won't even blame me for today, when it really was my fault. I wish he wouldn't think of himself of as such a screw up.

Who knows what I would have done without him. I don't even want to think about it. He makes me feel like someone cares what happens to me. He is the only one that I feel like I can even tell stuff to.

I just feel like a complete screw up right now.