Finals time....stressed!!!!

Well, all I can think about right now is how tired I feel even though I sleep I feel like I haven't slept for days. I am really worried about my grades, especially my cost accounting grade. Its so bad that I think I am gonna have to retake it. its not that I don't understand the material, I just don't test well or quiz well apparently. And add four finals on top of all of that. I am just ready to go home, see RA and my family. Grandma has been in the ER twice in the past two weeks, and I am really starting to worry about her. I wish I could see her or send her flowers but I can't even afford that. My one relaxer of wandering Target and getting something for fun, I can't even do that anymore. I am tired of having to ask mom for money, I really hate doing that. And for some reason I feel like im losing RA, which I couldnt handle right now. I would completely lose it. He barely talks to me anymore. I know he is stressed to and he hates when I worry at all (at least it feels like that, Im prob just being crazy though) and he gets irritated with me more than he used to. Maybe its just b/c we havent really gone this long without seeing each other. I just really miss him and it hurts sometimes b/c it feels like, sometimes, he doesn't miss me nearly as much but I know he does miss me. I wish I wasn't so attached.

Like, I want to have more friends and go out with them but I don't b/c Im afraid he will think Im out with guys or cheating. Or I'll feel guilty b/c Im having fun without him or would enjoy it more if he were there with me. 

Oh well, I need to stop talking about him.

I need to go study and do some work but for some reason I can't make myself get up and do anything productive even though I know that it will make me feel worse and make my situation worse if I don't do anything. 

My only escape recently has been music. More specifically the songs from Nashville and SMASH or any soundtrack really lol. I don't know, for some reason they help, not sure how much but I feel better when there is music. I really want to start playing the piano again but I dont have the time to do that or money to pay for the sheet music. 

Well, my brain has gone silent for now. guess ill go then. ttyl

ready for summer

four more weeks then I'll be going home. sadly my brain has already checked out for the semester which is really not good. I have a stats test tomorrow night and ive studied a total of 10 mins so far. I just cant focus on anything school related. I just want to lay in the sun and read my books......wish i could.
Im in Econ class right now but am bored out of my mind. all i can think about is getting out of class and taking a nap but I really need to go study. Im so jealous that RA is going fishing after class, i wanna go relax.
ugh getting a headache. better go.
keep ur head up