been a while

wow, its been forever since i have been on here. i don't even know where to start. for one thing I'm feeling kinda low and i don't really know why.probably because i just realized tonight that i have gain some weight again :( I'm going to weight myself at work tomorrow, which i haven't done in a while, probably because subconsciously i knew I was gaining weight but didn't want to face the facts. on top of that, I'm starting to worry about me and ryan again. I'm just being paranoid though.Im also super worried about college, i still haven't heard back from rhodes and haven't finished the union app. ugh, and ryans bday is saturday and i haven't gotten him anything yet. humph, so much going through my mind. its gonna be hard to sleep tonight. even after working all day. sometimes i wish i could just start over and like a lot of people I wish I had a time machine to go back and relive parts of my life. but i guess, thats what life is about making mistakes, moving on and up, loving, laughing, crying, regretting, and much more. so tired, just so tired, watching time go by, leaving me behind.