Happy

Today was the first good day I have had in a long time, although it wasn't the best either. 1st, I got to sleep in. Which I needed really badly. 2nd I got to stay out of the house all day. I sold my old phone finally. I had a really good cup of tea even though it smelled horrible. 3rd I got to see him!!! I may have looked like crap but I didn't care, he was there. I can't do anything but smile around him and act stupid. I just wish he hadn't done what he did. I'm afraid he will do it again. I mean I've done some dumb things but not like that. I wish I could just take him away from here and start a new life somewhere else. But I guess we can't run away from our problems, I've tried. But if your reading this, don't give up ok? I know you can make it through this mess. It won't be easy but It can be done. Just know I'm always here for you. I'm not saying I will understand completely what your going through, but I might be the closest to experiencing what you are. Not that I know everything that your going through. Just don't give up, if i had who knows where I would be right now? I'm glad I didn't though, and I know you would eventually be to.

Now for the bad/sad part of my day. ED. Well I had to drive by the children's hospital today and it made me think. It reminds me of so many things happy and sad.
Happy
thin, MB (at the time), summer, volunteering, brother, the feeling that I was doing something right by being there, Jessika and Garrett, no school for two weeks, being lazy, farmville (kept me from extreme boredom), reading (read one in a day)
Sad
mom being worried and sad, Dr. Callahan, brother, no school, getting fatter, feeling like i was in prison, not being able to go outside, not being able to use the bathroom, stuffing myself to the point of sickness, MB not coming to see me (feeling like I don't matter), not being able to go to MB games, being there over Easter, feeling like I disappointed everyone, not being able to see my friends, the hospital room, having only 15 TV channels
Every time I think of or see the hospital I think of these things and more. So when I drove by this afternoon I couldn't help but to think this bad thought. I wish I could go back to those two weeks. Just to be truly happy again, to be thin again. I wish that I could go there again because that would mean that I'm thin again.