This weekend was going great! I felt like I was finally coming back and that my hard work was paying off. I guess it was just my head fooling me. Cause tonight I feel as fat as ever and its getting really hard to keep my spirits up right now. Now I'm scared to see what I will do once I get home after school tomorrow. Will I be able to stay strong and not pig out? Will I be able to run or exercise?
OMG!!! I just want to just go run nonstop all night!!! I feel like I've completely ruined everything today. I have also banned myself from looking at the pictures on my laptop. They just remind me of how much I've lost.
I just really want someone to talk to right now. umm like MB, but I don't want to bother him anymore. RA just is, idk. I feel like I can't really talk to him till we get everything worked out, if we even do. Even then will he understand?
RA, there's something I want you to try to understand. Yes you might have said something similar to what he told me but you couldn't have had the impact or said the exact same thing. He knew me before all this mess, like last year and way before that even. So when he said that, I knew something had to change. I don't want you thinking you didn't help at all, cause you did, a lot. Who knows what I would've done that night. I wouldn't blame you if yo gave up on me, I don't deserve it. I've treated you like crap. I can't say sorry enough, and its not like you believe anything I say anyways. All I can say is that I'm trying my gdamn hardest to become the person I used to be. who would've never done all this crap, who wouldn't have taken you for granted.
I wish I could move on but I can't....... I love him..........but he doesn't anymore.......
No comments:
Post a Comment