Today started out ok. I didn't sleep well the night before and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I went to school and took two exams that I passed. Then I went home.....not good. I had a bowl of cereal (that was ok), then yogurt (that was pushing it), then some veggie lasagna (over doing it), then some ice cream (really over doing it), some point I had 2 nutri-grain bars (way way over board), then some cheese and twislers (overboard). So my world came crashing down once again. I lost it. I just wanted to leave but I couldn't. I just wanted to escape my life. Everything around here has to many bittersweet memories. So, I drove, I went all the way to Ashland city. Its the only place that I know how to get around. Here are some pics:
Ashland City
After I got home I felt a lot better. Not totally good again but better. Would've been better if I had gotten to see RA. but he is still here so I'm not complaining. I didn't even feel like yelling at my mom and brother today. I am in an unusual calm mood right now. Its really weird. I just hope Jessika doesn't ruin it.
RA I am really sorry, for everything. I don't mean to constantly hurt you. I'm trying so hard not to do anything bad. I really do mean what I say. The reason it took me so long to say it is because I'm so careful with that kinda thing. I don't want to end up making the wrong decision. I want to make sure its what is best and its what I want. When I'm feeling horrible all I can think is, "I wish he was here with me".
I found this quote on a while ago and I agreed with it whole heartily:
"i want a guy who calls you beautifull instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. the boy who kisses your forehead who thinks you're pretty without makeup on. the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you."
RA is the closest I have come to that, and I feel pretty lucky to have him as a friend (maybe as more in the future, that is if he wants that).
As for school and graduation, I'm at the point where I'm just going through the motions. The day I walk across that stage will be so bittersweet. I will finally be done with overton and high school but at the same time I'm losing everything. I'm just gonna make the best of it, hopefully I won't have to many break downs. And my dad, well he is doing better but I still worry about him everyday. I just can't wait to go on vacation with him at the end of the month. Back to nature!! and out of nashville!!! I wish that RA didn't have to go to school for so long or I would take him with me :) that is even if he could or wanted to. but he is stuck at school with exams.
Oh well, guess thats all I got to say, bye bye.
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