Frustration

Here are some pics from this weekend. I have a bunch more but they are of flowers. I had one of my best weekends I've had lately. Which is weird because it was spent with my dad.
This weekend

Ok here is the deal. I don't even want to deal with all my crap. Like I'm thinking about it all but its in the back of my mind. Like right now I'm telling myself fat ass get up of your butt and exercise. You know what I'm doing?, sitting here writing this. I don't even care enough right now to do something about it. I'll just regret it later, whats new.
I should clean my room, study for AP Gov't, give the dogs a bath, etc. But nope, I'm just being lazy.

At this point, I am tired of trying to fix things when they go wrong. If things can't stay good, then it's just not meant to be. shit happens but not all of it can be fixed. Don't get me wrong, I don't want things to go wrong or to give up but there is only so much you can do.

Like, I don't even want to cry, but I prob will tonight, it always comes back. I'll prob be up all night since I slept most of the day. I woke up before my alarm for work went off which was set for 6:15 am. When I got back at like 8 I tried to sleep right away but I couldn't. So I got up and helped my dad with yard work and played with lucy and laid on the swing and got some sun. Then we went to McKay's and a few other places and when we got back I got back on the swing, then I helped dad some more then I finally slept. I actually fell asleep on the floor! lol I got up at about 5 and ate and then came back to my moms early, before they got back from Memphis.
Overall I really enjoyed my weekend even though I ate way to much and didn't run or anything. Saturday night was bittersweet though. It started out good then took a turn for the worse. I'm not gonna get into the details, lets just say that I wasn't a very happy person. It ended fairly well. I sat outside on the swing till late because I actually feel alseep on it. But it was amazing and I loved it.
I just don't want the week to start, because I'll prob go back down into my sad depressed self. On the bright side, I only have two weeks of school left. 

While I was playing on my Ipod I found some interesting stuff.
       "If a man or woman has done his best, what else is there?" 
      " I may not lead the most dramatice life, but in my brain it's war and peace everyday."
       "Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool."
       "Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength."
     "I wish I could just float away and I wouldn't feel guilty for leaving the ones I loved and I could start a new"
      "Don't worry about anything instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done."
     "sometimes all you can do is laugh to keep yourself from crying"
     "you put me through so much yet still love you"
     " there's always some pain behind every smile and a tear behind every I'm ok."
     "what do you do when the one who broke your heart is the only one who can fix it?"
      " cus I need, I need a hand to hold, to hold me from the edge, the edge I'm sliding over slowly....."
     "who do you turn to? when the only person in the world who can stop you crying is the one thats making you cry?"
     "its a great day... don't let some idiot ruin it for you"  :)
    "sometimes the ones that smile all the time are the ones who truly need help"
    "drunkenness is temporary suicide; the happiness that it brings is merely negative, a momentary cessationg of unhappiness"

Great now they are home, and I have to deal with them. They are just to happy for me, its kind of annoying. Like I know ya'll are better than me, so you don't have to put it in my face. You're tanner than me, thinner than me, smarter than me, funner than me, must I go on?

Ugh Ugh Ugh, I feel so freaking fat right now!!! Here comes the anger hopefully I won't do anything stupid this time. I wish I had gas in my car :(

Honestly I am very tempted to go live with my dad right now, thats how much I hate this place right now.

Gah!!!!!!!! I want to scream!!!!! Ugh, things are coming back, time to risk running out of gas and go to the creek before they get back. all alone once again........