well.....

I don't even know what to do anymore. I can't cry, I don't get mad, so what am I suposed to do?? Coming home is like hell now. It all comes rushing back to me. Like, I feel so numb right now. I can't even describe it. So many things running through my head right now. Doubt, fear, excitement, happiness, sadness, sorrow, confusion, all going a hundred miles an hour through my mind.
I now realize what separates the men from the boys. I realize what really matters, most of the time. I know how important the truth is, and what lieing can do. I now know the full power of words and actions. I now know who are my real friends and who are just jerks. Now the problem is everyone else not knowing all this.
I'm now wondering if my dad was right. All every buy thinks or wants from a girl is to get into her pants. Most don't care about her, they just like her body. RA if you are this way, please leave now. Cause I've had enough guys who are like that. That's why I don't like to kiss and stuff like that, because that's how I tell if a guy really cares. If all he tries to do is get physical (Lio) I know they don't like me for me. Yeah, don't get me wrong, I like all the compliments from everyone, but that makes me feel like that's all they see sometimes. I just really hope your not one of those guys......
I love spending time with you and I wish I never had to leave you.  You make me forget everything.

Ugh!!!! I wish I could cry!! I need to so bad right now!!!
I also wish I could sleep.
I wish I was 93 lbs again,
I wish I wasn't so tired most of the time,
I wish I could just run away,
I wish that I could go back in time,
I wish that I could be a good person, I feel like I'm a horrible, dirty, crazy girl.

I just don't know what to do anymore.