Lately I have been feeling so lost. I didn't know what I was doing anymore and I couldn't make sense of what was going on in my head. But then after thinking for a couple of days, I figured I would ask an old friend for help. And he did. I told him that I knew I had changed but that I didn't think it was a good change and I asked him what he thought. It said that I had changed. I then proceeded to ask him if it was bad. His response, "I mean, I like the old you better. but I mean a lot of it is you not believing in yourself, you don't have confidence, there isn't any of the drive and determination you used to have. its like you just gave up on everything."
And you know what? after a few tears in the bathroom at work, I realized that he was right. I hope that I can get back to the old me, like he says, "you need to find those qualities you had before all this because that's where you need to be". Harsh, but so true. I was so much happier then.
I then proceeded to apologize about everything. and said that "I didn't know what happened to me, but I'm tired of this mess." his response, "yes me too haha". Now if what he said earlier didn't hurt that did!! but I'm cool with it. Because he didn't lie to me, he was just blunt, which is what I wanted, don't get me wrong.
I also took RA's advice about trying to take my "happy pills" again. And it actually helped, so thank you.
So hopefully this is a whole new start for me, no more mess.
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