Some of my old writing

Control

Does anyone have it?,
         the ability to do what you please.
It is taken for granted,
         when you don't realize its importance.

I say:
   I can do anything
   I can be happy
   I CAN

But when you don't?
     you lose
     you are worthless
       in a world of harsh realities

Can you change?

Untitled

is there any way out?
of this tangle of wires and strings we call life

just keep moving,
   more, more, more

It's never enough
Can't we just accept what we've got and move on?

Instead, we keep on going round in this circle of brutality.
  in this web of want and need.

Isn't it enough to just be
  and have what we have
  to be happy??

Isn't it??

Untitled

night & day
good & bad
love & hate
right & wrong
all complete opposites,

but completely together

Untitled

They tell me I am beautiful
                            smart
                            nice.
   but I don't believe them,
     I don't see it in me.

Where is this amazing person they tell me I am?
    cause I don't know her.

All I see is a shy
                   unintellegent
                  average girl.
   I don't see the face
                         eyes
                         skin
                         body, they so love.

All I see is someone who is not comfortable
   someone who is fighting an internal war,

                 with no true allies.

It Will all be Okay

Through it all:
   - the pain
   - the hurt
   - the sorrow
   - the regret

I know there is still beauty out there,
       in a flower
           a smile
                laughter
          a hug
          the sun

The hard part is
   remembering its there, even in all this rain and shadow.

But it's there.
  just don't lose sight.

No Control
   over anything!!

- can't stop
- don't do right
- do wrong
 just don't care anymore.
    no, I do, but why can't I stop.

I used to could
    - have good grades
    - had control
    - will, power
Where'd it go??

Its somewhere out there.
In this world of truths and lies.

but where?
I want it back.

Wishes

how can you go from one opposite to another?
           is there no inbetween?
           no middle line?
               no garden of eden, but without the forbidden fruit?

can't you just get there and stay there,
       no moving forward
         just stay
           freeze time
             with no regrets

ahhhh, the simple wishes
             and regrets

Time

moving fast
like its never gonna end
  lost in this tunnel of confusion
not knowing
  which way to go next

Ups and Downs

to be or not to be
seems my mind can't be made
one day sun, next rain
don't know what to expect in this heat.

it's starting to burn me, to the point of no return

Movies

my escape from this reality
  I forget
       - the pain, regret, sorrow, hate
 go into a seperate world
      of unrealities
      of things that are amazing and impossible
I wish I could live in them
Instead of this mess of a life

Untitled

why must he drink this poison?
we have a great time 'til he starts
    -why do I still get surprised
 to see
    -him stumble, be silly or stupid
    - the bottle or can
    - the drunken eyes
you would think I 'd be used to it by now.......

Untitled

lies
like the black rock
      at the bottom of the lake
so deep, but hidden
      unknown
but when you find it
     its ugly and green
     hurtful