I have been having thoughts that I shouldn't have. That could get me into a lot of trouble. Just sometimes I want to punish myself, for being wrong and messed up, for being me, for feeling this way. These thoughts happen on rare occasions but today they have been stronger than ever.
I actually started to put my thoughts into action while I was act school, which I would never do, or thought I would never do. Let me just say that long nails come in use sometimes. No, I didn't do anything really bad before you freak out. I would have done worse if I hadn't seen the old scars as reminders of the last time. It makes me ashamed and is about the only thing that keeps me from doing it again.
I just want to punish myself for being so fat, having ED, not being able to control myself. I know I sound like a crazy person, but its how I feel. I don't know, maybe if I would have been alone today I might have actually done something.
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