Bittersweet

Today was bittersweet. For many reasons. One, I didn't get much sleep because of some issues from the night before. I thought I had lost someone that means a lot to me. He helped me through a rough time and I have told him almost everything about me. The only thing is, he won't trust me or believe me because high school kids are a bunch of stuck up, know it all, pain in the butt, babies. I like him because he tells the truth no matter what, most of the time, he isn't afraid to be who he is and can act wiser than his age. My problem is that I am used to being lied to and betrayed and talked about that I find it hard not to be suspicious of anyone. How do I know that he isn't like the other guys, who only care about my looks? Well, he is doing a pretty good job of proving that he isn't like that. We barely see each other, except in a class, and if I couldn't trust him, he would have already told all my secrets Over all he is pretty awesome :)

My other issues are my other long time friend and my eating disorder (which I sometimes refer to as ED). Well for the long time friend problem. For some reason stupid ole me keeps going back to this jerk. Don't ask me why, cause I don't even know myself. I guess it's cause he is the only person (besides previously mentioned guy) that really, truly knows me, maybe even better than my best friend. We have had sooo many good times, but for me they are all overshadowed my bad ones. Of hurt, betrayal, lies, harsh words and so much more. He always ruins everything for me, so for that reason I know what I have to do but for some reason find it extremely hard to do. I know I have to let him go, as a friend, but it is so hard. As for ED, still a problem and a constant struggle for me everyday. I just wish someone could really understand what I am going through. They all say you don't need to worry about your weight, you look fine, don't do that. But it is so much easier said than done. Not even my mom understands. I want to control this soooo bad!!

As for the other problems in my life, they are varied. From family health to school to the future. My hero, the person I look up to, is sick and cant seem to stay well. She is my grandmother. She has had breast cancer, then broke her leg, than cancer again, now we don't even know what is wrong with her. It just tears me up to see her this way. I aim to be like her. My father is also having issues. Because of money and stress he has become weak and lost weight and other things. I am scared for what might happen to him everyday.
All of the other problems are minor compared to what I have already explained.

Through all of this, I am trying to focus on the positive. I am a senior at high school and I have a great family (at times). I just made a GREAT new friend and have finally "taken out the trash". I have college paid for and I get to go to London. I keep going because I know that everyday is a new day, a fresh start. I have also learned to cherish the little moments in time, and not focus so much on the big stuff.

" I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid."
                                                       ~ John 14:27