Well not the best day ever. Work was actually decent, thanks to Shelia coming back and the new puppies. The dentist was ok. I was already worried about RA but now I'm even more worried. I don't think football is a good idea for him, he is always getting hurt, is always sore, and extremely tired all the time. Then I had to go and make things even worse. I have now realized the horrible person that I am. I lie and am lazy and worthless and fat. I have let everything go, my school work, my room, and my ability to be a decent person. I can't even get myself to work out any more all I do is sit on my fat ass. The 130 lbs of me. I have gained 35 pounds since this time last summer. :( My room is always a mess cause I don't want to put stuff up where it belongs. I lie and am selfish. If I hadn't lied and been selfish I wouldn't be where I am right now with the person I love. I feel like I'm already losing him, the thought brings tears to my eyes. I now realize I brought it on myself, I learned my lesson, many times over. I'm being a brat about my car, Mike made me realize that, I'm spoiled. I don't even stop to think about others most of the time, except for RA I always put him first.
And whats worse is I actually thought about purposely getting in a wreck and hurting myself. Then I would be out of every one's way and I could punish myself for everything I have done. My world is falling apart just as it was getting perfect. This summer has been the best time of my life, honestly, no joke. He had helped me feel ok about myself and I kinda got back to the old me. I am truly happy when I'm with him. But I screwed it up.
I am fat, it is a fact now. I have lost all control, wish I could never eat again, but my fat ass can't do that. It won't even workout anymore. I'm so tired, but its gonna be hard for me to go to sleep tonight and work is going to be miserable tomorrow. Oh well
No comments:
Post a Comment