ugh

Today went by fast, which is good and bad. Good because it wasn't to boring, bad because I still haven't written my Life paper and it is due at 8am tomorrow and I am still trying to get through the reading. This books is one of the hardest I've read so far. I have to go so much slower to try to comprehend what is being said. And it is really frustrating me to no end.
I feel the bags under my eyes forming again and I haven't done anything to need them. The bad part is that I have to stay up later tonight to do the paper which I have a feeling is going to be really hard. I don't like talking about religion at all, I prefer keeping it to myself.
As for everything else, well, it's there lol. I am keeping up decently with all my other classes except for one but I'm not lost. Its kinda like a review for me since I took AP US history. I really don't think that I am going to do so well my first semester. I am no where near as smart as I need to be.
As for my mental well being, not so great either. I've just been trying to keep my mind busy, so I don't think about my weight, my stupidity, my laziness, missing home, worrying about him. It's a struggle sometimes. I hate to see one thing after another happen to him, I wish it were me instead of him. I wish I could stick to my plans, thats what really bothers me. If I could actually do my homework, if I could actually workout, if I could actually stop eating, I would be a fairly happy person. To be completely happy I would have to be with RA.
I'm so tired of everything, of trying. Why am I here (as in college)?
Also, I find myself thinking of my future. A)What will I be doing? B)Where will I live? C)Will I get married? D)Will I have children? E)Will I be with him still? Most of the time when I think about the answers if I had a say in them would make me happier then ever. My preffered answer for C would be yes and for E yes. (I know I'm freaking you out RA) As for A, B, and D, whatever makes him happy, cause as long as he is I will be. Again, this would be my dream world, which isn't going to happen.
Well, I gotta go and get this paper done, I could keep writing but I have got to stop.