long time no see

ugh!!! thats all that comes to my mind right now. I'm not enjoying my job like I used to and I'm not saving any money. The move is stressing me out. Just not all together recently. I have my good days but recently its been full of down days. I don't know what else to do. I want to take some days off and go to west TN but I need the money and can't use what little I do have on gas to drive down there.

I'm at work now, I really shouldn't be doing this right now but I really needed to let some of this out.

Is it bad that I haven't even talked to RA about how I've been feeling?? I just, idk, guess I just feel like all he is gonna say is "fix it" "do something about it" "I'm sorry" etc.... which doesn't help. I know he has kinda gave up on trying to help me and I kinda understand why but saying all that other stuff almost makes it worse.
It kills me to say it but I'm ready to go back to school, I feel worse now than I did while in school.

I hardly get to spend any alone time with RA. One of my best moments so far was staying up till 1am talking to an old friend that I hadn't seen in two years. Which also makes me feel bad sometimes b/c I had to keep it from RA b/c he doesn't like him or trust me.

I guess a big thing for me is moving out of the house that I have grown up in. I feel like I have no true home anymore. I don't feel like I can call my grandmother's house home, especially since I have no privacy there at all, everyone has to walk through my room to get to the bathroom or to the kitchen. The house is 100yrs old for goodness sake!!

I honestly don't know how i have been keeping myself together this long. So tired of everything. Sometimes I really just want to run away with the little that I have and start over. Thats how bad I feel.

ugh, I gotta go before I start crying my eyes out and try to find some sort of food. Haven't eaten anything since 5am and doesn't look like I will be getting a lunch. Or maybe not, I don't need food, with any luck I'll pass out and get to go home or something.ttyl