long day

its been a super long day and not an easy one at that. I have gone from feeling like im at the top of the world to the bottom of it and everywhere in-between. its not fun and its wears on you. Im pretty sure im gonna have to withdraw from that class. idk what Im gonna do and i dont want to even think about the shame im gonna feel when i have to tell my mom and ryan.

I dont think tomorrow will be any easier. ill probably find out for sure if i should withdraw cause i have to go back to the professor to talk to him about it and from his face and attitude when i talked to him today, i don't think it will be good.

its like i told my uncle earlier. I have lost my focus that i had first semester and i have realized it to late to fix it or do anything about it.

I keep seeing all these motivational and positive things and quotes that should help me to feel better and be more positive but they don't. at all, i just want to yell at them like they are a person and its their fault. its not anyone's fault but my own, no matter how much it wish it werent true and try to deny it. i know that it is.

im starting to feel all alone again even tho i have people that i can talk to. i guess its cause they cant truly  understand what im feeling. they try to help but most of the time it doesnt help. cause for some reason my mind is twisted like that.

i hope this is just a mood and will pass, i cant handle days of this. i just want happiness and to have it for a while, not just for a short time and stuff to come back again.

This is one of those times. i am screaming on the inside but on the outside im as silent as a mouse. oh well, like moves on weather we r ready or not. guess all i can do now is hold on till this storm passes.